No Use For A Title

Recently I started reading "Dreams from My Father," a book written by Barack (I almost put Baraka, as I am prone to do) Obama, the Senator from Illinois. I mention this in the opening to this entry because the middle 200 pages or so of the book - which I picked up before he was elected in November 2004 and still haven't finished - helped facilitate the thoughts that I may or may not express below.

In the past few weeks, I've fallen into something of a rut in my life. It has been distinct from other ruts I have experienced for two reasons:

1) I notice it, and

2) It's not particularly bad.

Ruts that don't follow reason 1 are generally good, and thus I don't recognize them (or, if I do, I don't recognize them as "ruts" which has a generally negative feel to it).

The major part of my awake time has been poured into my schoolwork, or simple procrastination for it ("simple" in the sense that I don't really accomplish anything else in that time, so it really is just procrastination). I haven't had any short-term goal beyond that to drive me to do anything else.

I probably wouldn't even have noticed it in myself if I hadn't read someone else doing it in a book. I make the mental connection in a vague form every now and then, but it doesn't really come to the forefront of my mind like it has today.

The other thing that I've been thinking of was a little harder to really come to terms with. In the book, Barack talks about how his perception of people (most specifically, his father) changed over time, how his father went from an ideal to someone he felt like apologizing on behalf of.

This section of the book made me think about some of the changes in my own perceptions of people I've known over the years, and I reach what I understand to be some similar conclusions. Somewhere in here [wish I'd noted the page when I read it] he mentions his opinion that life is too hard to judge other people for everything they've done to you. They're just looking out for themselves, and there's nothing inherently wrong with that.

My main problem in the matter is a bizarre combination of egotism and empathy: I - believe it or not - am a very empathic person. [To split hairs just a little: It is possible to be empathic (that is, to understand the situations of others) and to still be willing to negatively impact them. "I'd kill him today if the net gain for me was a quarter" is an extreme case, and I probably didn't actually mean it, but it expresses the main idea.]


The egotism is expressed in my belief that others would display the same regard for me that I did and would for them; I can't hold other people to the standard I hold myself. If I do that, I may end up like Alexander Hamilton - firing my metaphorical dueling pistol into the air while my metaphorical opponent fires at me, killing me...metaphorically. Of course, both I and Alexander Hamilton could avoid our duels by admitting our mistakes (and/or ameliorating others'). I don't know about Hamilton, but I've always been pretty stubborn, keeping rash oaths even when they become a little ridiculous. (That's why I don't make them very often.) Even if I wanted to "fix" my "mistake", I'm already dead.

Metaphorically.

I don't know where I'm going with all this, but I wanted to get most of it out so I could read it later and remember the rest.

Adieu.

I forgot how Blogger looked on a Mac.

I'm in ye olde computere labe again, reading internet crap after my first of two exams for the day (score should be between 93 and 100, inclusive [and out of 100]).

Only moderately tired, which is not tired at all for me.

Oh, before I forget again: I stopped writing the allegory I think I mentioned before. I don't know if it's that I lost track of the moral, or that there was more than one and I was trying to group too many events together, or if it's just something that the English language can't express. [A quick digression: I disagree with the idea of any word being "untranslatable". That's just slang for "I'm not thinking hard enough." On the other hand, phrases can be untranslatable, in the sense that the full meaning of the phrase may be lost. Why? Multiple connotations of words: The phrase may have one (or more) translations in the new language, but the chosen translation depends on the meaning chosen by the translator. Unless each word in the translation has a 1-to-1 definition matchup with the original words - which isn't very damn likely - something will be lost. Just ask Jackie Chan.]

On a different note: Have you ever listened to two (or more - but certainly not less, as that's a different situation) people argue about something, and in the course of their argument you realized that essentially, they aren't even arguing about the same thing? Then, with a little thought on the subject, did you conclude that, in fact, these people probably even agree with each other? And, upon learning this, did you proceed to say nothing, because it was more fun to watch them argue?

Oh.

Well then, neither have I.

My ill-gotten vacation ends today, and it's back to school with me tomorrow, for 3 days, until the next weekend, when I go to PA to see if I left some CDs of mine there some number of weeks ago. (I found both of my wireless cards finally, but I had a vague idea of where those were, and I wasn't actively looking for them, besides.)

I was supposed to rest up and study for exams tomorrow and Thursday.

I did neither.

For a while today I thought I missed some online assignments that are due Sundays at 11pm, but we didn't have any this week, and I'm at 166/171 on those so far. Most of the missed points are just because of me being a jackass. Actually, all of them are.

I'm going to spend my time worrying about more important things, like the ramifications of shotguns being able to use many different types of ammunition. These days, damage reduction only goes so far, after all.

Oh, I'll also try to get the DVD drive in my main PC. If I succeed, I will mention it within the next two weeks. If I fail, I may not be mentioning anything for the next two weeks.

In other news, I...er...never mind.

Maybe next year.

Damn, I haven't posted in...*counts*...this many (*holds up fingers*) days. This is the week before "Fall Break", which is a 4-day weekend, which is roughly the middle of the semester.

Lots of busy work. None that really keeps me busy, but yeah.

The real reason I haven't posted is because Monday kicked my ass.* Emboldened by the new strangely-fitting, sweat-absorbing gym clothes I obtained over the weekend, I lifted myself into oblivion.*** My triceps are still kinda sore...I think I've plateaued in terms of outwardly visible strength, which means if I want to progress further I'll have to...eh...try harder.

I'll consider it, but I've always been averse to...to...effort, where it isn't really necessary.****

[The Blogger spell checker didn't recognize "plateaued", but it also didn't recognize "triceps", so I feel I'm ok. Besides, there's nothing wrong with neologisms. People who look down on people who use them (just because they use them) are misunderestimating, and need to further disassemble their position.]


*By this I mean events that happened on Monday kicked my ass.**

**I almost put "me ass," which reminded me of Lucky Charms. I don't even like Lucky Charms.

***I typo'd this one so much, it was horrible. I...I don't want to talk about it anymore.

****I could go into more detail with this, but suffice it to say that I have a pretty strict set of criteria for whether or not something is necessary. It isn't quite as severe as "breathe, eat, and turn over to avoid bedsores," but I'm not saying it couldn't be.*****

*****Mostly because I dislike debunking possibilities, but we already knew that, didn't we?

I wasn't going to blog today, but something important has happened (is happening?) and I want to make sure a record of it is preserved for the ages.

I keep having dreams (different dreams, they aren't the same dream or a continuation of another one) where we have a sink in the dining room, and my grandparents have traded their van for...an even smaller van. [I know they traded it rather than me just picturing the van incorrectly because 1) I know the van well enough that my subconscious brain wouldn't have to "make it up" and 2) it was directly stated in one of the dreams] A recurring theme in these dreams is me pissing in one side of the sink. (Somehow, it ends up full.)

In less subconsciously-based news, I went to see a play last night. (It was required by a class; laugh and I visit suffering upon the unborn generations of your family) A production of "As You Like It" by William Shakespeare. Apparently some of the actors were from Idaho, wherever the hell that is.

The main story arc is about this girl and her cousin, and the girl dresses up as a man so they can leave the castle and go live in the forest because the girl dressing up as a man has been banished. It's a comedy, so the plot twists and ending are pretty contrived, but that's ok. [Thinking of it now, life must be a comedy of sorts; the endings have always seemed pretty contrived to me. Anyway...] The production was a bit more physical than other plays I've seen, though I haven't seen that many. I wonder if that's normal.

Of course, I always wonder what's normal, but that's a story for another day, if ever.

Relatively uneventful week; maybe because 2 of the days (including today) I have had fewer classes and have been going home early. Today my last class that ends at 4 isn't meeting because my professor, a Charleston Jew, is celebrating some holiday. (I would have described him differently, but that would take away the rhyme. ...never mind.)

I think I've mentioned this before, but people write in chalk on the ground a lot around here, to get peoples' attention while they are going to/from class. Today I saw two (hopefully unrelated) messages: the first was "CAN DOLPHINS THINK?" with info about some meeting. (I presume the meeting was about whether or not dolphins can think, but I may be wrong.) The one right below that had a lot of text, so I didn't read it all, but I noted the phrases "sexuality" and "free condoms".*

In more egocentric news, the difficulty of my classes has taken a pretty sharp spike.

Downward.

I'm not even trying anymore, really. I'm not studying, I'm just coasting on instinct and intuition, and I'm still kicking ass. In one class I'm only missing 9 points (out of 1000 so far). In Statistics the only time I look at notes or the book is to remember the notation, which I only use when required [my brain's notation is more optimized - for my brain at least]. Ironically, doing the things I'm doing right now is why I almost fucked up in the first semester.

This makes me want to start writing my weird, qualitative equations again. [By "qualitative" I mean they don't really use numbers, because I haven't defined things like anger, effort, success, or motivation in any form of units. If I did, reconciling them would probably be nightmarish, and I'd end up like that guy who went insane trying to prove that 1+1 = 2.] ***

*If this reminded you of that one site, you are not alone. Well, by "not alone" I mean you aren't the only one who was reminded of it; I make no claim on whether or not any individual reading this is, in fact, alone.**

**I do make a claim, however, that individuals reading this are not alone, because how could they be classified as individuals without their being more than one of them, thus rendering them "not alone"? Of course, someone feeling argumentative may...er...argue, that a person with multiple personality disorder can be more than one individual but that they would still be alone. To this I say: No. If you accept the premise that the multiple personalities are separate individuals (and the more unlikely [but not impossible] scenario that they can have control simultaneously, then you tacitly accept that none of the personalities are ever alone when more than one of them is active.

So there.

***This is me getting lazy with my asides. Sue me.

posted by Jasiro  # 12:04 PM (2) comments

With the second nexus safely past, the first nearly a week away, and the third being outright and unmeasurable, it is safe to post again.

Those lazy, crazy city workers finally came back and finished the job they were supposed to finish weeks ago.

I have to go somewhere right now, but when I get back, I'll edit this post with pictures of what the front looks like now.





This is the new (improved?) front walk. The tiles are weird like that because one of the workers apparently likes to play around with the cement before they actually set it correctly and my grandparents told them they could just leave it.




This is the sidewalk. The footprints are from a retarded guy who visits our other neighbors.




I wasn't going to take a picture of our neighbor's newly-done ramp, but I wanted to after I heard about someone moving the orange barrel that was there so they could drive up it to turn their car around. [There are many other driveways on the street, so they went out of their way to do this] Now, as you can hopefully see, there are two barrels there.


And that's about it. Not much else worth reporting, and I'm not a 24-hour news channel, so I can afford to stop when I reach a certain point on the Inane Meter.*

*Capitalizing "Inane Meter" is quite inane, so I stop now.

[Edited at 6:38 PM, give or take]**

**mostly take

I was reading this thing the other day about the "most livable" - whatever that means - cities in the world, and at first it seemed to make sense. After all, none of the top ten (all I saw in the original article) were in the United States.

Then, I read in today's paper that Cleveland (where I live, for the uninitiated) is the top US city, at 26th.

Off-hand, one thing that surprises me about this is that the rest of the world can only muster 25 cities that are "more livable" than here. We really aren't trying that hard, people. We just got out of being the city with the most poverty in the US (which is a real accomplishment).*

The other thing that surprises me is that Cleveland is the top city in the country. I mean, I know there are a lot of good...er..."qualities" that are underappreciated, but...ah...I don't know. Maybe it's the whole "familiarity breeds contempt" thing.

If you think I've used too many quotation marks, raise my hand.


*When I say "real accomplishment," I am referring to being the "poorest big city in the nation" when that nation is this, er, nation. Of course I wasn't talking about our "move" "up", what the hell were you thinking?**

**If you actually understood the original context, give yourself "a point." If, on the other hand, you only thought of the other context, well, you can go straight to hell. If you thought of both but chose the incorrect context, I'm going to kick your ass when I visit in November.***

***I can say this with certainty because not many people would actually do that. You may say that you did, but you'd be lying. Since I don't hate people for lying, you would be guiltless in that regard.

Republican lawmakers are drafting new legislation that will make
marriage a requirement for motherhood in the state of Indiana,
including specific criminal penalties for unmarried women who do
become pregnant "by means other than sexual intercourse."

According to a draft of the recommended change in state law, every
woman in Indiana seeking to become a mother throu gh assisted
reproduction therapy such as in vitro fertilization, sperm donation,
and egg donation, must first file for a "petition for parentage" in
their local county probate court.

I usually avoid talking about politics on here, as I am loathe to alienate or offend anyone. However, I can't stay silent when I see something like this.

This has to be the greatest idea that I have ever heard of, and that's only mild exaggeration.

The only problem is that it doesn't go too far enough. It should require any family - both mother and father - to file a petition for parentage, and it should have some requirements. Minor things, really: If either parent has an IQ below 100 (I'd say 110, but I'm feeling generous right now), hey, I guess they aren't going to be parents after all. Also, they should be tested for latent genetic diseases. Until we can reliably keep them at bay, such phenotypes should be banned from reproducing. Enabling such behavior only encourages people to develop these diseases.

What else? hmm...oh, no cripples. Well, if they were crippled in an accident that wasn't due to their own stupidity, maybe their case could go to a review board. But if they didn't have the good sense to be born whole or keep their leg out of the wood chipper, that's not society's problem.

If we enact my plan, the human race will be exponentially stronger within 5 generations. Survival of the fittest, man. Survival of the fittest.

Crazy kids might even be able to rival me one day.

...

...on second thought, never mind.

The past 15 hours or so (a long time for me) I've been trying to write a short allegorical story, but I keep my need to be more precise than the story requires, which results in a lot of unnecessary pouring over minutia.* (Perhaps the process of writing the story will be more allegorical than the story itself.)

For example, the story is set on a world where magic exists and the human (at least, I assume they're human) villages are guarded by elemental spirits. The preceding sentence expands by about 15 times in the actual story, and that's not counting a brief - by my standards, at least - description of some of the geography.

I almost think I will end up forgetting what I was trying to get at by the time I get there. If that happens, the process of writing the story will definitely be more allegorical than the story itself.

In other news, there is no other news. *shrug*

*Correcting this would be an instance of minutia.