No Use For A Title

Since I have already "bottomed out," which was hastened by the way I spent my weekend, I now have the opportunity to confront the metaphorical demons that are out to get me with some more powerful demons from less insubstantial planes of existence. First, I must decide which side I should take.

For the purposes of this exercise, let's assume that ending, delaying, further fracturing, or some other method of negating my existence is not an option. That leaves me with four possible (valid) courses of action, none of which is particularly more viable than another.

However...one of the four is impractical due to the current composition of my personality, and another has been made, as they say in the vernacular, "damn-near impossible" by a combination of the pseudorandom events that brought me here in the first place and my own pride, which I like to pretend is my dignity sometimes for self-righteousness purposes.

Given that, only the two remaining options are actually viable, feasible, and therefore important. The first is to engage in a war of attrition with the part of my evil side that wants to kill me. Though this is what I tried the last time, and I still hadn't destroyed it after a couple or three years of trying, I realize now that destroying my evil side isn't particularly wise or even desirable. After all, it stopped wanting to kill me after the first few months last time, there's no reason to believe this time will be any different, should I choose this option again. That would put the end of the current cycle at the end of August, with plenty of time to begin - or prevent the beginning of - a new cycle in January 2006.

The main method of exercising this option is overriding the Senate Parliamentarian, calling for a simple majority of - oops, wrong option. The main method of exercising this option is remaining in a 40% or less awake state (which is more than you actually need, once you get used to it). The reason for this is the fact that my body diverts power away from the evil side when there is no other power to sustain me, thus atrophying it. My evil side, while potent, isn't very resolute in the face of adversity. The downsides of this plan are that it takes a long time as I already mentioned and the fact that it doesn't actually address the underlying problem (the first two axed options do that, but neither does the second possible one, which I will explain below).

The second option involves my good and moderate sides, allowing them to stand firm in the face of heretofore (which almost looks like "heterofore", which I don't believe is actually a word) overwhelming despair. Historically, this option has not worked very well for me because my evil side is so much more developed, holding as many as 55 seats in my internal Senate. Even so, I am hesitant to give it the same status as axed option 1, which I can't use due to a timing issue, or axed option 2, which I can't use because I already tried to use it, and because of that whole "insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result" thing. I've not actually tried this method when the evil was already overwhelming, simply because I would have little to no recourse if it won.

Besides, it might involve sleeping at reasonable hours, eating right, and exercise at a moderate pace at regular times, as opposed to the current method, which is at a "to failure" pace, sporadically.

Who would want that?

I'm trying to avoid a personality composition that seems to be vying for power lately. To explain it, I will use a cosmological metaphor (or maybe a simile. Sue me).

The universe that is my personality is being overrun by antimatter in the form of hatred, mostly of myself due to the Equivalent Hate Rule. Though the hatred and other emotions annihilate each other on contact, the source of the hatred seems to have an endless supply of particles.

Meanwhile, perhaps as an attempt at self-preservation, the other emotion particles have been drawn into a giant black hole that the rest of the universe orbits, and they are all compressed into some one-dimensional form at its singularity.

Seeing as this process has already begun, I think I'm going to take a "break" from this blog for a while. While I endeavor to have an effective blog that follows all the necessary blog guidelines, I don't wish to have the stereotypical blog where all the posts are about how horrible life, the universe, and everything are. That just hasn't proven cathartic to me.

And I didn't notice the reference until after I typed it, not that that matters.

I can't believe it's already after 5 PM EST. Then again, I spent more of the day asleep than usual, because I didn't want to wake up.

Quickly moving on, I came up with a story idea the other day. (Names are given as roles rather than names because the name is just an avatar of a higher ideal anyway.) Big Villain convinces Little Villains to steal a gem containing Long-Gone Evil Guy's (abbreviated "LGEG" below) soul by telling them it is of great value, but the real reason is to release the LGEG. This would force Old Hero (who defeated LGEG in the first place) to come out of hiding to defeat LGEG again, and when he attempted to do so, Big Villain would steal a more powerful gem from him.

But (there has to be a "but") LGEG managed to kill himself and the Little Villains when he reincarnated. To keep this a secret, Big Villain begins killing people in the way that LGEG did when it was alive.

However (there doesn't have to be a "however" but it's not necessarily bad), when Old Hero comes to the town where the killings are happening, he already knows that LGEG wasn't the killer.

How? Because he was the original killer.

(Ohhh...)

I was going to say that not much happened today, but such a statement would be the result of my own altered viewpoint. A better assessment is that things did happen, but none of them were particularly impactful.

Maybe because it was the first day in a long time that I didn't go outside for more than about 20 seconds (that was just to get something out of the garage).

Tomorrow will be different, though. I have to head back down to campus to use up the rest of the free printing that won't rollover at the end of the semester. Then, I'll probably wander around the city like some vagrant or fringe element.

Oh, and I'm finally going to driving school, starting on the 23rd. I can drive already, the only thing I don't do entirely consistently is lining up correctly while turning in reverse. That sentence was a grammatical/structural nightmare, but some people deserve to cringe.

I would have done this - and actually gone for my license - sooner, but I have plenty of excuses. One is the time issue; it's also the reason I didn't get the temporary permit until August of last year. Why didn't I get it before that? Same reason: I was under 18 (seems like an age ago [and in a way, it was, but I'll save that]) and didn't feel like jumping through the hoops that were required.

Oh, another reason is that the frame on the car I was going to use for the test decided to break. I'm just going to shrug that one off and leave it at that.

What else? ...damn, I know there was something.

Oh well, I'm sure I'd remember it if it was important.

Now blogger's spell check tells me that "impactful" and "rollover" aren't words. In case no one has heard of "impactful" before and can't use context clues (in which case, what the hell are you doing trying to interpret anything I say, but "you know") it means "full of impact". As for rollover, I've heard that one on TV, which means it has to be an accepted part of the language, like e[anything here]. It used to be e-[anything here], but we don't like hyphens anymore, they're complicated.

I got up at 7:45 this morning, even though there was nowhere I had to be. I'll have about a month to get out of that before my summer job starts, in which case I'll have to get up even earlier than that.

I've been ordering crap from Amazon.com lately. Surprisingly enough, the free shipping that is supposed to take 5-7 days or something like that has only taken about 2 days on average. *raises hands slowly with an unenthusiastic "yay"*

I also finished reading Fast Food Nation, which is about...well, guess. Surprisingly, it didn't affect my want for fast food too much (probably because I bought the book and started reading it after partially swearing it off already anyway, but as we all know I just like to be contrary, don't I?).

I've been doing a lot of my "pseudophilosophical" thinking lately. No qualifiers this time, just thought I'd throw that out there.

I wonder if I'll still remember that check when the time to cash it comes in November. I think the chance is pretty good; my longer-term memory seems to operate a lot better than my shorter-term memory.

In other news, I've broken a lot of promises this past week. Luckily, I made them all, and they were all to me. I think that makes it ok.

How can I be false to other people if I can't be false to myself first, after all.

Edit: Minor edit to fix a context error. (Not that anyone has actually read this yet anyway.)

I was sitting here thinking about the direction this blog has taken lately - yes, I probably have more time on my hands than I should, but oh well - and I realized that I haven't talked about urine in quite a while. To remedy this (and to get this blog back above poad.blogspot.com on my logged in page [made me think it suddenly decided to count all my posts until I looked back and saw that ever-present 18]), even though it happened on the day of my last post, I will talk about the drug screening I had to do...er...Friday.

As should be obvious from the drivel above, it was a urine test, not a blood test or anything of that nature. If it were, I would probably find another job. The only time blood has been drawn from me other than for bizarre rituals has been for disease/type testing; I don't want anyone to decide to look at it more closely and see it for what it really is...

...but back on topic now, if there is such a thing. This is the third summer I will have had the same job, and it is the third time I've had to do this test. Do they expect me to pick up a drug habit in the 9 or so months since they last encountered me? Peoples' lives don't change in such a short span of tiem!*

I'm thinking about making a fool of myself during the last such test for this job, which will be next year's. To ensure that I am able to perform** I usually drink a large amount of water and concentrate on regulating my bodily functions on the way to the test site. As a result, I don't have to pee until I'm actually in the bathroom with the cup, but at that point I really have to go. I mean, really. Though I only had to fill it about a centimeter, I ended up putting about double or so of that amount in the cup, making it necessary for the tester to go dump the rest out. What I'm thinking about doing is topping it off next time. Of course, I'd be really apologetic about it, and what are they gonna do anyway? They don't know me. The most they could do is contaminate my sample, which would end up being more of a hassle for them than it would be for me.

An alternate bit of idiocy would be to put "alternate substances"*** in the cup, but it'd be hard to explain that away.


*Because I have left "tiem" as an undefined entity, you can't prove me wrong. So there.

**That means pee in this case. Sickos.

***I put quotation marks for emphasis, not because I've heard anyone else say it that way (though I'm sure someone somewhere has, and if they haven't, I have. If I can't quote myself, I'm not sure I'm very fond of this world anymore).

I'm only updating this time to give myself a reminder about the experiment mentioned below; I promise this won't be a daily thing for any significant amount of time in the near future; writing daily over the summer is a bother anyway. (Yay, double semicolons!)

I participated in an unorthodox (to me at least) "decision-making experiment" today. It contained a series of questions, all of which had two options: Receive $10 in the next [time, ranging from now to 4 months] or receive $[10+amount] in the next [time related to the initial time with an added amount based on the amount added to the $10]. For my efforts, I received $5 and a check for $13, dated...let me check again...November 6, 2005, six months from now. The alternative was $10 four months from now. I'll just be finishing my summer job then, it wouldn't really augment my purchasing power.

Could say more, but why? I've already subjected my handful of readers to too many words in the last week.

A post the day after a post, but I've decided that previously-important alignment issues are...er...not important.

I've already set my schedule for the first semester of my Junior year, and this morning I took a sudden opening in the Game Theory class I wanted. I noticed it last night, but our retarded online registration is only available 7am-8pm*, so I had to get up at 6:30 to get ready to take the spot before anyone else could. I should do that more often.

*I almost put 7am-8am, which would actually be about right for today, it seems...I checked the site later today, and it has been down for a while now. Oh well, I don't care.

I should do that more often, too.

I just finished my last final of the semester. It was such a momentous occasion, the first thing I thought of was, "I have to blog this!"

Well, actually, the first thing I thought of was pizza, but computers are more readily available than food on this campus.

I'm confident that I got the ~75% I needed to ensure my uncurved B.

All that's left now is returning the books I checked out for one of my final papers, and burning a bunch of crappy papers I wrote onto a CD.

Thank Me I operate based on the Inverse Happiness Theorem.

I got my laptop back yesterday, I'm finally using it again. Getting back to the XP interface after an extended bout of time with 98SE is like a breath of smoggy air after being submerged in sludge (that doesn't allow for my "anaerobic breathing"). [It's my imagery, I'll tell it how I want to.]

I feel like a parent with a child constantly in the hospital; I hope the current list of ailments - which is mild enough to ignore - doesn't expand again, *knock on synthetic pulp product* But I think I'll be ashamed on some level if I end up with a sickly or retarded child...which probably means I will have one. At the very least, he or she should have a few less "issues" on average than I do/have/did/whatever; there has to be some credence to passing on environmental (rather than only inherited) traits - at least, there is when they are brought about by fundamental changes in genetic structure, but that's a diatribe for another day.

I have started redownloading all the programs I had that weren't on the recovery CD, but there are a few that other people put on that I won't be restoring.

Not much left for my second year of college; I can count the number of remaining tasks on my 5-fingered hand.

I am in remarkably high spirits and thus expect something horrible to happen within the next week. Paradox? You tell me.